Contrary to this post's title, I haven't been very active this week. In fact, I've run a total of 3 miles. Life's felt kinda funky lately.
Despite not running much in the last few days, I feel like I can't slow down and take it easy. And ironically, that's what's made me a Couch Loving Lady this week.
Let me explain.
Prior to LBA's April arrival, I was on somewhat of a running high. My pace had been improving. I'd run a sub-2 hour half-marathon in Detroit the previous October, I was training for Kalamazoo, and the Chicago Marathon was sitting pretty on my calendar for this October.
I felt like the runner I never thought I'd be.
And then, after 8 months of charting, temping, reading every book and website on conception and timing - I saw two little pink lines on a test one morning.
"Holy smokes!" I thought excitedly to myself at 6:30 a.m. that April morning. "Things are about to get nutty!"
We were elated. I knew life would change, but I planned on trying to keep things as normal as possible.
I ran Kalamazoo, and I kept running after that. Though countless blogs, websites, and smart people had said running would change, I didn't believe it at first. My pace held steady, my legs felt strong, my will was still intact.
But recently, that's changed.
My pace has slowed a full 30 seconds to a minute per mile. I know, it's not that much in light of being pregnant. I should be happy just to still be running.
I am. It's just that I don't deal well with change. I'm not used to things suddenly being out of my control.
And now that out-of-control feeling has diffused itself to other parts of my life, too.
Going back to work in the fall has be ridden with anxiety - to start up a year only to be out on leave midway through it, inevitably leaving someone else in charge of my plans, my room, my students. I'm not a very good delegater.
I'm a total nut job lately when it comes to planning the nursery. Babies 'R Us and Buy Buy Baby websites have haunted my dreams. Cribs float to me in midair, and paint swatches do evil dances.
College funds and day care plans top my list of Must Worry About Items. I have a load of furniture to unleash on Craigslist one day soon (to clear out the office for the nursery); my closet was completely cleaned out today in anticipation of a future GoodWill trip.
It's like I can't get things done fast enough these days. And just when one item falls off the Never Ending To-Do List, three more jump on.
And then all of it just kind of weighs on me, and I end up consoling myself in a bowl of white pasta covered in butter and two straight hours of So You Think You Can Dance (last night's comforts).
I don't usually get overly serious on the blog. In fact, I prefer a nice cozy blanket of sarcasm and poorly planned wit to get by. But things are just getting hectic these days. It was time to put down on virtual paper.
One thing before I go, a kind of disclaimer for all of my whining, if you will: I'm very excited to be a mom. I know all of this stress is A) mostly normal, and B) worth it in the end. It took us a while to get to this point in life, and I wouldn't change it for anything.
I just want to figure out how to slow down a little. And be ok with being slow.
You Can Weigh In: How do you deal with stress? Are you someone who can roll with the changes or do you get caught up in it?