Perfection. I meant to give that up this year. But surprisingly, for all the Type A Planning that I do, that plan is not going as planned. I'm doing about as well as a smoker who quits smoking except for those cigarettes after dinner, at the bar, during a party, or while under duress.
And I live in a world that doesn't really allow the whole "planning to plan" schtick. The hubs is an easy-going, play-it-by-ear kind of dude. My students always try to get me off topic. My ginormous Polish family runs a little behind schedule all the time. Still, I believe fervently in the cause, so I maintain my One Man Army and forge ahead in the name of The Plan.
So, yes, despite this plan to give up the role of the perfectionist, I've only become more engrossed in it. I imagine a fierce battle has recently broken out in my head, with Pauly Shore playing the role of Right Brain, and the Drill Sgt. from Full Metal Jacket as Left Brain:
Right Brain: "Relax! Just let things fall as they shooo-ooould! Breathe the fresh aaaair, enjoy the little sun we get these days!"
Left Brain: "Oh, no you don't, Right Brain. Don't you go relaxing now. There's a whole pile of work to be done, and it should all be done today. Now."
Right Brain: "It's co-ooool, man. Just chill for a minute or two. Life is gooooddd... "
Left Brain: "Get to it, maggot! The clock is ticking!"
[I bet you never thought you'd see a battle as epic as this one go down, eh?]
Well, this might be the only time I say this, but I truly hope Pauly Shore wins it all. I'm working hard on giving up perfectionism (and Dependency, for that matter), but life, as in running ability, doesn't change overnight. It takes time, patience. It took me 7 years and a truckload of patience to become remotely adept at running in a race. My first race was definitely not Boston. My first shot at giving up perfectionism and planning wasn't a knock-out either. Perhaps if I ever qualify for Boston, I'll have relaxed enough to actually do so. Maybe, for the trip, I'll even book a last-minute flight (eeekk!), snag a hotel room without looking at the photos of the guest rooms first (sweatdrops!), or run the race without updating my iPod to a pre-planned, synchronized list of songs (holy moly!)