I asked you last week to submit any questions you had for me. I got tons of great responses through comments and emails. Honestly, I thought they would be easy and I'd answer them all in one post. However, there were so many thought provoking questions that simply required more than a few sentences. Here is the first three part question.
Michelle asked:
"How was losing weight changed your relationship with your partner? How has it impacted your self-image, especially in regards to the physical aspect of your marriage? Do you ever struggle w/ your 'fat' self?"
Those are three very difficult questions to answer. I'd love to be able to give you an "its all sunshine and roses" answer, but that wouldn't be truthful. Instead I'll try my hardest to answer and just hope that I can find the right words.
People often make comments about how happy Charles must be now that I'm thin. Did losing weight make him like and love me more? I don't think so. Losing weight helped ME love ME more. And it turns out when you love yourself, you're more lovable to others. According to him I'm easier to get along with now. He doesn't understand why because he's never struggled with his weight. I can explain why I may have been a little prickly.
I was disgusted with myself. I went to sleep each night and woke up each morning ashamed of who I was. Inside I thought I knew I was a good person, but I was trapped in a body that showed the world something else. My body showed everyone that I was weak, useless and unimportant. I couldn't get over that self image so I put up walls. Instead of opening myself up to rejection, I would reject others first. Instead of letting my husband get close to me, I would push him away for fear I would disgust him.
Those fears led me to cut off contact with anyone outside of my family and husband. In my mind I felt isolated, like no one wanted to be with the fat girl. I can look back now and realize I was the one isolating myself. I didn't go out, didn't make friends when we first moved here, and refused to attend my husbands work functions. I didn't want him to be embarrassed of his fat wife. Of course I wasn't willing to share those fears, so instead he just thought I wasn't being supportive of him.
Taking control of my life has improved my marriage immensely in an emotional and physical way. I feel good enough about myself to not only get out there and lead an active life but to also be able to express my feelings better. Realizing my self worth lets me contribute more to the relationship. We have reconnected through our new healthy lifestyle.
The physical side has changed completely. I am ashamed to admit I used to mentally cringe when my husband wanted to get close to me. Even something as simple as a hug was embarassing for me. I was ashamed of how I looked and it certainly affected my love life. Lets face it, sex just isn't that great if you spend the whole time worrying about your stomach rolls. Sorry, I'm not going into details but lets just say--When you feel good about yourself you're able to enjoy yourself more. :)
But weight loss isn't a "cure all". The fact of the matter is: There are days when I still feel like the "old" me. I have been in a store and noticed a guy looking over at me and my thought was "He's looking at me because I'm fat." It takes a moment to process the idea that quite possibly he is looking at me because I look good. Bad habits die hard.
When those negative thoughts start to creep in I take a moment to focus on the positive. I take a good hard look in the mirror. I tell myself what I like about myself. "Look at your lovely legs, those quad muscles look great." "Look at what you have accomplished, you are a strong woman." "Check out those guns!"
In my head I go over all I have accomplished and those moments of self doubt go away. Losing 123 pounds has shown me just how strong I am. I feel empowered, I can conquer anything now.
I now have a happy, healthy family because I had the courage to take care of ME.
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**Edited to add: I reread this post and am not entirely happy with the statement "losing weight helped ME love ME more." I was trying to convey that loving myself had to come first but didn't mean to imply that I love myself more because I'm thin now. It wasn't about the number on the scale, it was about respecting myself because I finally started taking care of myself.*****
Ok, great questions Michelle. I'll be answering all of the others soon. Feel free to keep those questions coming!
How has your healthy lifestyle changed your relationships?