I have a few ideas why Sundays run was so emotional.
Saturday night my son spent his first night away from me. (He is 3 weeks shy of 3 years old) He had a sleep over at his cousins. I imagined he would spend the whole time crying, missing me but it turns out I was wrong. He never once asked for me.
I laid awake that night, waiting for a phone call telling me it was time to pick him up, but it never came. It took every bit of self control I had not to get in my truck and bring him home. Yes, I seem to be too attached to my child. Instead of enjoying the peaceful sleep of a child free night I was up and worried.
5 am comes early when you spend the night anxious and worried, but I got out of bed as soon as the alarm went off. As I got dressed to run my thoughts were directed towards the 15 miles I faced. I'm not going to lie... .I was nervous.
Ready for a bit too much information?
Well... the nerves from the upcoming distance
or the anxiety from my child being away
or the food I ate the day before
or all of the above, made my stomach VERY crampy. I had hit up the bathroom 3 times in the 30minutes from wake up to out the door.
And as we drove to our running route I could feel my stomach cramping again.
We hit up a bathroom. (Sorry Valero attendant)
No sooner than we pulled out of their lot and I felt like I needed to go again.
At this point my husband is commenting out the time and complaining about how hot it was going to be. At 6am it was already 87 degrees, it would be mid-90s by the time we finished.
Now guys, let me give you a little heads up here. If your wife (or female running partner) is already stressed out... and not feeling well, then DO NOT put any more stress on her. BE POSITIVE.
As he started lamenting our late start I burst into tears.
That shut him up.
I'm sure the worrying over my son, and not feeling well caused some of the tears, but the negative thoughts didn't help. I tried to explain to him that these long distances are HARD on me. While I enjoy doing them, I take them seriously. I do everything I can to set myself up for success ahead of time. I knew the tummy issues, and heat would make the run more difficult, but I was trying to keep those negative thoughts at bay. <----This was all said to him sobbing, so I have no idea how much he actually heard.
At that point the sun was coming up and it was decision time.
Do we scratch the run and try again another day?
Do we run our hilly, hot 15 mile route and hope my stomach holds out?
or
Do we face down that beast known as the treadmill?
We picked the last option. As much as I DREAD the treadmill, I liked the idea of being close to a potty. It turned out to be a GREAT decision. My stomach continued to cramp up and cause potty issues, but I was still able to get through 15 miles.
Yes, you read that right:
I ran 15 miles on a treadmill!!!
That was our longest run to date. And as I left the gym I found myself in tears again. Were they tears of joy at conquering a new distance? Tears of pain? Tears because my son is growing up? All of the above?
I'll delve into all of those, as well as give details about how I stayed motivated on the hamster wheel on my next post.
Stay tuned.
(oh, and in case you were wondering... after the run I called to tell my son we were coming to pick him up and he said, "Can you come get me later? I'm still playing." Apparently he survived the sleep over much better than I did.)