I'm going to be upfront and tell you I ran a race this weekend.
And I choked.
You may have noticed that while I have a billion half/or full marathons coming up, there isn't a single 5k on my race schedule. In fact, with the exception of the virtual one I ran this summer, I haven't ran a 5k since last August. 5Ks are prevalent, cheap and often support good local causes and yet I don't register for them. Why, you ask?
I am terrified of 5ks.
Yes, you read that right. Despite the fact that I'm in the thick of training for my second full marathon, I am intimidated by a measly 3.1 miles. Let me explain why- 5ks are painful. If you're actually "racing" a 5k its going to hurt, if you're giving it your all then you are probably at puke threshold for the majority of the race.
I am super slow to warm up, and usually don't enjoy the first few miles of any run. Somewhere just over mile 3 is when I start to LIKE running, so a 5k means I'm pretty much running the whole thing not enjoying it. Why would I want to do that?
I'll tell you why: because its time to confront my fears.
Mid-week last week I got it in my head that I would race a 5k. I picked a local one, drove the course, noticed it was hilly and that sealed the deal. Yes, I prefer rolling hills over a flat course any day, even for a 5k.
So I thought it over, I exchanged emails with a very surprised Coach Adam (surprised because I had sworn off 5ks), and spent a couple of days stressing about it.
We devised a plan. It was a speedy plan, it would hurt, but based off my recent speed work it was possible. I set myself up with a playlist of fast moving tunes, I lay in bed at night imagining my legs moving FAST! It was a small race, so I even let myself dream of winning my AG.
And then I choked.
There are of course a list of reasons I failed. The night before the race we were up with some sort of tummy bug. I got up, got dressed and promptly tossed my cookies. Figuring it was more from nerves than from a bug, I soldiered on.
I got there early to warm up. Adam had suggested a 1 mile slow warm up. I got caught up with a local running group and ended up with a speedy 2.2 mile warm up. I felt sick to my stomach,got in the porta potty line and puked some more. Came out and did some strides.
Soon it was time to line up for the start. I was scared. I chatted with some ladies next to me who were running their first 5k. That helped calm me down, I was so excited for them! Some conversation started towards the front, runners picking each others brains on projected finish times. I realized the race was bigger and faster than I expected, so I scooted back a bit. I wanted to pick a person to chase. I picked a girl who was only shooting for a bit faster than me.
And then I choked.
We crossed the starting line, I started my music... .and got caught up in the fast crowd. I hung with them for about half a mile of rolling hills before realizing I was zapping my legs. I slowed down and the girl I wanted to chase zoomed away. I realized I should be focusing on MY race and ignore the others.
Shortly into the race I realized that either they had changed the course or I had driven it wrong. The second mile was going to be a long gradual climb. Despite the face that I had hit my pace for mile one, at mile two I got discouraged. Why? Because it HURT at mile 2. I knew it was going too... but that didn't stop the demons in my head.
I kept running, but also scanned the area for ways to drop out. Yeah, I thought about quitting mid-race in a 5k. People were huffing and laboring around me and I kept leap frogging with a lady who would walk, and then sprint, walk and sprint. It messed with my mind that I was running the whole time and yet somehow we stayed near each other. Again, learning a lesson that I need to run my own race.
Mile 2 was probably a minute to a minute and a half slower than I needed to be. It was closer to a regular run for me, NOT 5k pace. At that point, I could either run it out or suck it up and try to put the rest of myself into it. After a mile of (gradual) climbing it leveled out and I buckled down.
I flipped around my playlist and found something to put some pep in my step. Just over a mile left and I wasn't sure what to expect. I simply haven't raced enough 5ks. Should I go all out now? No, I would fade at the end. I found a smooth quick pace and just focused on getting down the road. With about .8 left in the race I decided to accelerate again, faced with the rolling hills I knew I could tackle. I would focus on the the top and burn it down.
But I was running out of juice fast. I had become apparent that my warm up was too long. At this point I was just holding on for dear life. Did I want to puke? Yes! But I went into it puking so I rationalized that was nothing new, I expected that.
A whoosh of air and I realized I had been passed by a very speedy looking young lady, probably in my age group. As I watched her smooth form, I suddenly remembered leg 3 of Hood to Coast when I was catching and passing people I never thought possible. I remembered the elation of those "road kills" and I realized this girl was my chance to feel that again.
So I laid it down. I pumped my arms and went after her. I was exhausted and she looked fresh, but she was mine. A small crowd near the finish was cheering us on, and about 20 feet from the finish I blew past her.
While my finish line kick was exhilarating, it was too late. There was no recovering from the mile 2 disaster. I didn't meet my time goal. I was about a minute off where I wanted to be, a minute and a half off where I dreamed of being.
I choked on race day, but I'm not disappointed.
I learned a lot out there. I raced a 5k and didn't die so hopefully I won't let nerves get to me next time. I warmed up way too fast and too far, lesson learned. I got caught up in other peoples races, from now on I'll focus on me. I let negative thoughts destroy mile 2, now I'll know what to expect on that mile and devise a plan of attack. I got a "feel" for that final mile, I'll know better when to do my final acceleration.
Sure I choked, but I've found so many victories in the experience. Instead of swearing to never run a 5k again, I'm looking forward to the next one where I can kick butt.
(sidenote:while it wasn't as fast as my virtual race this summer, it was a full minute faster than my last OFFICIAL 5k last year)
Outside of lessons learned, some of my favorite parts of the race were after I crossed the finish line. I ran back on course and ran it in with a couple different ladies who were experiencing their first race. I love that I could be a part of that with them. I also got a kick out of handing out nuun samples in front of the gatorade tent. I felt like such a hydration rebel.
Oh, and did I mention the bling? Yep-a medal for a 5k. Score!
Instead of filing this under "races I've tanked" I'm choosing to consider it "lessons I've learned".