This post was a little emotional for me to write. This is the first time since I was 12 years old that I haven't looked towards the new year as the year I will "lose weight". Each New Years Eve I would lay in bed and plan and dream. January 1st would be the first day of my new life. I would do anything to get "skinny". (Notice I said skinny here, in the interest of full disclosure that was my goal for most of my life. It wasn't about health, it was about vanity.)
My resolution was backed up by various plans throughout the years. Anything from pills, to surgery, to fad diets, to crazy exercise regimes. I would try any and everything to reach that desired "skinny" status, regardless of how dangerous it may be. I would fantasize about how great I would look at 120 pounds.
Yes people, in my teens I thought that's what every woman should weigh. Forget the fact that I am 5'8" with a larger frame. 120 was that ideal number and I wanted it so bad. I imagined how it would transform me. I would instantly be popular. Everyone would love me. I would see and do exciting and exotic things, things that had been out of my reach simply because of my weight. I had a whole fantasy world built up.
And then January 1st came and it was time to buckle down. So I'd starve myself for awhile, one year I tried living off of popcorn and water. Another year I tried no-carbs (difficult for a vegetarian), I tried the "cabbage soup" diet, and I vaguely remember only eating pickles and cheese for a few days (I have no idea how to explain that one). Did I ever try to simply eat less and move more? Not that I can remember.
I tried every over the counter stimulant and appetite suppressant available. As I got older I even tried prescription ones. And finally the most drastic year of all. I tried surgery.
Yes, its ok to gasp and be like "I thought she lost all the weight on her own". I DID. PLEASE READ ON. As I wrote HERE, in my first post, I did have surgery years ago. I lost a little weight, gained more and was overall unhappy. When I got pregnant I had the "band" emptied, so there was no restriction. It has stayed empty for the last 3 years, offering NO aide. (I will never have it "filled" again, and hope to have the useless foreign body removed soon.)
I make no judgements to those of you using pills, or contemplating surgery. It's your own journey. But I can say, it wasn't for me. And I'm proud to say I've now lost 115 pounds in 2009 entirely on my own by eating correctly and working out.
So this years New Years resolutions won't be centered around weight. Tonight I will not go to bed dreaming of how my life will be changed simply by reducing the number on the scale.
No, tonight I will fall asleep proud. Proud of what I have accomplished, and finally proud of who I am.
I look forward to seeing how many more things my body can accomplish, I would like to be in the best possible shape (and if more weight happens to fall off along the way then that's only a bonus).
So I have an announcement to make.
I have started training for a half marathon.(For those of you wondering,the 10K I was supposed to run in 2 weeks has been postponed to May, so I decided to make a big leap.) The original plan was to run the Rock 'N Roll 1/2 Marathon in San Antonio in November, but Charles and I have decided to start training for a local one that is held in February.
My two sisters are running the 1/2 in November, I'm so proud of them and know they will do great! While my plan is to run that race with them as well as the one here, I'm going to re-evaluate my fitness level in a few months and think about running the full Marathon instead. I can't believe I even admitted that.
So that's my current goal people, a 1/2 marathon in February with another 1/2 (or full) in November.
And on to the traditional New Years resolution. I've read so many great lists on other blogs, but mine is pretty simple. This year I resolve to:
What are your resolutions?