The Connection Runners + [the thought process]

Why Poo Makes Me Happy

As I was mentally preparing to write this post today, Charlotte decided to take the biggest poop of her young life.

This Poosplosion was unlike any other. A full-on Slip-and-Slide of poo had made its way up her back while she sat on my lap watching Comedy Central (she's a big fan of Colbert, you know).

Upon discovering this monumental mess, we shuffled off to her room, with me alternately laughing and wondering how the hell I was going to get her changed without smearing the poo all over the rest of her body.

We tried nearly every acrobatic position until I realized that there's no way to remove a pooed-on onesie without nudging the poo all the way up to your child's neck.

The ordeal cost us six wipes (yes, a 6-Wipe Poosplosion, a record indeed) and gave me the fodder with which to start this post.

It also gave me one more reason to feel a bit anxious about returning to work, which I'll be doing in a mere 12 days. Gross as they are, I'm going to miss these 11 a.m. diaper changes when I return to the classroom.

So hence, the real reason for this post: I'm dreading going back to work. The very thought of it makes me want to die a little. Right now, I'd much rather deal with the crap of one baby versus the (figurative) crap of 150 teenagers.

I've already had 3 work-related nightmares in the past few nights - one involving a forgotten pump, which made for a very awkward day in front of high schoolers.

A truthful braindump about my job:

  • I'm eternally grateful for it. Michigan isn't known for an abundance of teaching positions, and I'm incredibly lucky to have a spot in a great district.
  • Cliche as it is, teaching can be extremely rewarding. The moments when a student "gets it" or when one stops to tell me about their weekend or their new car - I love it.
  • Teaching rarely has slow moments. From Monday morning at 7:45 to Friday afternoon at 2:33, I'm ON. (And then some, if I have before or after school meetings.)
  • The learning never ends. Each day brings at least one new situation or question or issue. It's a constant battle to stay on my toes to resolve things as they arise.
  • I let myself get easily overwhelmed by the pressures of teaching and the desire to do it perfectly. "Today is Tuesday, so that means we must learn comma rules and we must apply them correctly because that's what I've penciled in my Plan Book."
So while I probably wouldn't trade it for any other job in the world (except for perhaps a lotto winner), these past 11.5 weeks of trading routine for randomness and grading essays for afternoon walks have made it difficult to want to go back.

In fact, I've spent at least a few whole days researching various ways I could stay home with C forever. Lots of realistic things, like selling my car, starting up a business, donating organs, forgoing clothes shopping ever again, moving into a hut in my backyard.

Sadly, none of these options would actually quell the financial burden of an unemployed Me, so instead I'm trying to make the most of my remaining days at home.

What's been helping:

The release of Oberon, and the fact that I can actually drink it this summer.

The absolute awkwardness of Megan Draper's song-and-dance 40th birthday gift to Don (along with everything else that happened during Sunday's Mad Men premiere).

And baby Glo-Worms just waking up from morning naps, gearing up to drop the biggest poos ever for a mom who's only happy enough to clean them up.